portrait of an anonymous american

[f0rrest]

I am American. My credit score is 668. I go to gas stations. I get Lays potato chips and Mountain Dew Big Gulps and my gas is $2.58 a gallon. I have American Express, Visa, and Discover credit cards. I drive a 2023 Honda Accord. It is a mid-size sedan with a 1.5L turbocharged engine. My car payment is $342.67 a month. The insurance rates are fair and I am satisfied with the coverage options. I double-check to make sure my doors are locked at stoplights when black people walk by. I am not racist. I just do this for some reason. I do not know why. I get razor blades delivered directly to my home through the Dollar Shave Club. I use Degree Cool Rush antiperspirant. It is made from aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex GLY. I do not know what these things actually do but they seem to get the job done. I get the newest iPhones free with the Verizon Unlimited myPlan. It is affordable and fits all my needs. I have not had sexual intercourse in over 2 years. I subscribe to Netflix, Amazon Prime, Spotify, Disney Plus, Hulu, HBO Max, Apple TV, Peacock, Paramount Plus, ESPN Plus, YouTube Premium, AMC Plus, Starz, Showtime, YouTube TV, CuriosityStream, Discovery Plus, and BritBox. I pay roughly $200 a month for these services and am mostly pleased with the programming they deliver. I try to stay up to date on the latest technologies. I have a 98" Class QLED Q7F 4K Samsung Vision AI Smart TV mounted to my living room wall. I enjoy watching sitcoms while relaxing in my La-Z-Boy rocking recliner after a hard day’s work. I prefer Samsung televisions over the alternatives. They have a solid, reliable product lineup. I am a millennial. I have a problem with junk food. My favorite junk foods are Lays potato chips and Nerds Ropes. I have an Apple Watch so social media and urgent news notifications are beamed directly to my wrist. Sometimes I feel depressed but don't know why. My home mortgage has an 8.6% interest rate. It is a 30-year fixed loan. I pay the bank $1578 a month to continue living comfortably. I have light brown hair and dark eyes. Sometimes I wish that I looked like Tom Cruise circa 1996, only taller. I bring printed pictures of Tom Cruise to the Sports Clips and this embarrasses me somewhat but my desire for Tom Cruise hairstyles overshadows the embarrassment. I work for a software company from home and make roughly $80,000 a year. It is not my dream job but it pays the bills. I have a hard time separating my work life from my personal life. I spend a lot of time on the computer and can type 134 words per minute. I enjoy shopping at Target on the weekends. I have a Target Red Card so I can rack up the points. I enjoy browsing the toy section because it brings back fond memories. When people ask, I tell them I am shopping for my son, although I do not have any children. I am of average height. My favorite clothing brand is Ralph Lauren. Their classic polos are both comfortable and stylish. Men who wear women's clothing make me feel uncomfortable but I am trying to be more tolerant. I have a small group of friends and we go to Charlie's Sports Bar every Saturday night. I enjoy the occasional rum and Coke. I play softball with the boys when I have the time. I have a Sam’s Club membership and buy groceries in bulk. The savings are unbelievable. Prices are going up, however, and that concerns me somewhat. I consider myself socially liberal but fiscally conservative. I vote for whoever makes the most sense. I would label myself a moderate if pressed. My favorite sport is baseball. I love eating hot dogs at the games. My favorite team is the Atlanta Braves. I do not think their name is problematic. People are too politically correct these days. Sometimes I have long conversations with ChatGPT about my life. I am single and use the Tinder dating app. I am turned off by women with tattoos but am willing to make an exception if they have a good sense of humor and can cover up. My doctor prescribed me low-dose Lexapro. I think it is helping but I am not sure. Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror and don’t like what I see. I eat a lot of fast food but am trying to do better. I take B12, D3, and C vitamin supplements to make up for any deficiencies, also fish oil for cognitive health. I get envious when my friends are successful but congratulate them anyway. I don't believe aliens have visited the Earth but I do believe they are out there. The universe is large and that scares me somewhat. I brush my teeth with Colgate Optic White Pro Series Stain Prevention Whitening Toothpaste. Sometimes I stay up too late watching late-night television and drinking Mountain Dew. I am trying to get better about this. I take melatonin to fall asleep but have vivid night terrors and have trouble waking up in the mornings. Sometimes I see movies in the theater by myself. I buy buckets of popcorn with extra butter sauce and feel bad after eating it. I enjoy Marvel films because they are good fun and take my mind off the stresses of everyday life. I think Avengers: Age of Ultron is very underrated. I tell myself I am going to eat less but end up eating more for some reason and this disturbs me somewhat. I have considered weight loss medication but am afraid of the side effects. I prefer not to make waves. I am constantly comparing my lawn with other lawns in the neighborhood. I prefer to sit rather than stand when urinating so that I can look at my iPhone. I like to scroll the Reddit home feed and Google News reel to stay informed. I see the same content multiple times a day but still click on it for some reason. I own an egg-shaped air fryer. It works very well for Hot Pockets brand sandwiches. I watch pornography on my MacBook Pro sometimes and feel bad about it. I appreciate the new legislation requiring a valid driver's license to access pornographic websites because it makes it harder for me to access content that I feel is morally reprehensible. I enjoy Saratoga Springs Water over tap water and believe tap water to be unhealthy. My favorite book is Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. I was raised Catholic but sometimes wonder if God actually exists. I think Christianity provides a solid moral framework for society. I did not care for the ending of Game of Thrones. When people talk to me I usually zone out and start thinking about myself and this makes me feel bad somewhat. I enjoy the music of Imagine Dragons and don't care if others think they're lame. I keep my lawn immaculate and this gives me some satisfaction. My favorite cereal is Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. They have a nice crunch and go well with my Fairlife brand protein shakes. Rap music does not sound good to me and espouses values which I do not agree with. I do not mind immigrants being over here but believe they should be properly documented. There is a persistent sense of dread that creeps up when I do not keep myself occupied. I wash myself with Axe Apollo Body Wash. My favorite television show is The Office. I own a gun. It is a Glock 19. It is a 9 mm Luger. I keep it in my bedside drawer. It helps me feel comfortable at night.

Comments

[asakiyume]

You tagged this "pathos," and I really feel it. Like my heart goes out to this guy, who is so lost and adrift, nothing to hold onto. Innocent and sincere in his likes and dislikes. Aware of his flaws (but not his racism--well even that, probably, since he followed his racist statement with "I am not a racist") and "trying to do better.

Sometimes I feel depressed but don't know why ... Sometimes I have long conversations with ChatGPT about my life ... The universe is large and that scares me somewhat ... There is a persistent sense of dread that creeps up when I do not keep myself occupied. ... aww, dude.

Other poignant moments for me: " I enjoy browsing the toy section because it brings back fond memories. When people ask, I tell them I am shopping for my son, although I do not have any children." " Men who wear women's clothing make me feel uncomfortable but I am trying to be more tolerant." "When people talk to me I usually zone out and start thinking about myself and this makes me feel bad somewhat."

[asakiyume]

Just read this to my husband ("hey, can I read you another thing by that guy whose stuff I like, Forrest?"), and he really liked it. I had been telling him the reasons *I* liked it (more or less what I wrote in the previous comment), and he was agreeing, but what *he* was bringing up was the order and rhythm of how you introduced the various stuff you introduced. "It takes skill to really get that right, and he really has," he said. "It's really good. Where did he have it published?" --Just on his Dreamwidth, I said. "Well I think it could be published anywhere. It's really, really good."

[f0rrest]

You flatter me.

It's funny though, about the rhythm, because I approached this one with the goal of making it very easy to read, like a guy is just telling you about his life in very simple sentences. Like what would he actually be saying, if he were talking to you. But I also added a level of randomness for a sort of humorous effect, like certain observations or "facts" seem to come out of nowhere, like a stream of consciousness almost. And I used orthodox grammar, purposely avoiding the run-on stuff that my mind kind of works in by default.

So, with that being said, the praise is nice, but it sort of invalidates my normal writing style a bit, which is kind of concerning.

Also, this sort of praise always ends up giving me the old mind fuck because it's like "well damn if this piece of writing is really good, am I ever going to be able to achieve this again?" type of thing, which creates this sort of competeing-with-myself dynamic that, I guess, has both pros and cons. I think I have a fear of success stemming from something along these lines of thinking. It's almost like setting the expectation sets me up for inevitable failure.

But I do appreciate the feedback and it feels nice, don't get me wrong. These are just my unbridled thoughts at 2:09 in the morning.

[asakiyume]

Lol, well answering you at 6:53 in the morning, let me first say that the praise about the flow didn't come versus your other stuff, but rather in comparison with other similar-type pieces he'd read in translation from Japanese. (And now, as a conscientious wife, I have to say, he absolutely does read Japanese in the original--he teaches a course on reading old manuscripts, in fact--but he does also read stuff in translation.) So he wasn't meaning "this piece is better than that guy's other pieces," but rather, "this piece is better than things that try to do similar that I've read from other people." In fact, I nearly edited my comment to say this, but one of my particular neuroses is that I don't want to go on and on about things that may seem extraneous, so I didn't end up editing the comment. tl;dr: he wasn't comparing this with your other stuff.

And as a writer myself, I get what you're saying. ESPECIALLY if you wrote something that you feel was just an experiment and not like what you really do. (But even if that wasn't the case. Like if someone says, "I like X story you wrote," I instantly think "but what about Y story: I also want people to like that.") But this isn't like the highlander. There CAN be more than one. You know this about other things you love. Even if you say that that Ocarina of Time is THE video game and even if it holds tons of your feelings, you also really love Final Fantasy. And you also really love Pokemon. And you've been known to enjoy other, very different games (hello Counter-Strike). I'm bad at making this analogy because I can already feel you saying, "Yeah, but those are apples and oranges; you can't directly compare a gameboy game with a ..." but if they're apples and oranges, think how you can like both apples and oranges. Unless you're like my daughter who abhors apples, in which case don't think of that. And come to think of it, you prefer a limited dietary palate but HEY, LISTEN. The point I'm not successfully making is that you can contain multitudes and do many types of things well. You don't need to have a pinnacle piece that all others fail to achieve. You can have MANY good pieces. You can have a main style and side styles. Or several main styles.

And the the orthodox grammar stuff and short sentences, that worked for THIS PIECE. But it would have been terrible for the others. That's called, You've got good judgment about the style to tell a story in. Well done.

[f0rrest]

"This is not the highlander."

Literally lol'd. Going to adopt that mindset, and possibly steal the quote.

[asakiyume]

Please feel free!